Hey man, I feel your pain.
Your initial assessment about this cryptospain guy is totally right, he will fall HARD and I feel sorry for anyone following his advice. He is full of crap period, it's just a matter of time.
Anyway, 28% doesn't sound too bad at all for peace of mind to be honest. You can later move to Andorra after your first tax return. I was going to suggest that as an alternative, the only problem is that you need a tax return before you move there. There is a crypto lawyer on youtube based in Andorra, he even had a debate with the cryptobro so he should be easy to find
Also, let's not forget that after being under the radar your whole life, even moving to another country can be challenging if the purpose is to become legal there. Banks and other institutions can still be a problem and ask for source of funds, tax returns, etc... Proper due dilligence is a must.
I agree with you, peace of mind & quality of life > taxes.
May I ask why the cat is a problem? Can't you take it with you even if you have to catch a plane? Just curious.